Soapbox Speakers

News for Speakers’ Corner, Sunday 1st December

In News for Speakers' Corner on December 2, 2019 at 10:04 am

“The things that make me different are the things that make me.”
‘Winnie the Pooh’.
A. A. Milne.

1. seoga0fjtyi rivn dlg;hpdk hsAfter hearing Mr B’s talk about the typewriting monkey two weeks ago, your scribe figured I’d try it for myself. If I took the place of a monkey and randomly typed letters, could I, with a touch of good luck, type this week’s post? I have been typing randomly and it seems to be workz

Bother. Let’s start agaix

After hearing Mr B’s talb

After hr

Forget it. I’ll do it the proper way.

2. Mr B began the meeting by giving an update on Tony, who likes to give a running commentary on the people he’s observing, whether it be the geriatrics in the old folks in the home he lives in, or on the beleaguered souls attending a hospital’s Emergency Department. In a loud voice he holds nothing back.

Then Mr B asked the question, “Are men attracted to women’s breasts for cultural or biological reasons?” Unfortunately, Mr B felt the need to take off his shirt and ask the audience to pretend his pectoral muscles were a woman’s breasts. The trouble was, they weren’t pectoral muscles, they were breasts. Hairy ones. Five people groaned and turned their heads away, two people at the back nearly chundered, and the rest shut their eyes and implored him to put his shirt back on. But Mr B was undaunted. “It’s for science,” he explained. From then on, every time he made a point he squeezed a breast for emphasis. It was awful. But when he caressed his left nipple, to prove breasts are an erogenous zone, it was too much for one audience member and she did her block. Jean was livid. Her long harangue brought Mr B’s talk to a standstill, and when she paused to take a breath he felt the need to squeeze his breasts together, wantonly. It was so uncalled for.

Your scribe thinks the main problem is Mr B’s self-perception. Mr B seems to think he has the body of the Greek youth, Adonis. You don’t, Mr B. You have the body of the middle-aged Adonis, ran to fat long ago. Just saying.

As for the topic itself, Mr B concluded that men are attracted to women’s breasts for biological reasons. Of course, he was met with disagreement.

3. We have another lookalike. Here are photos of Mr B and Karl Pilkington when they were younger. You have to admit, there is a striking resemblance.

Mr Bashful, aged 32.

 

Karl Pilkington, aged 32

4. Steve Maxwell was away today but we had Ray near the Kiosk, and two other speakers who weren’t Mr B. 94 year-old Albert was one of them. Although Albert was invited to talk about his pet subject, collective consciousness, he instead chose to talk about humanity’s stupidity. Humanity should not be wasting trillions of dollars buying armaments, he said. When asked if Australia should have an army, navy and airforce he replied, “No.”

Thanks, Albert. We’ll call you.

5. At 4.30 Mr B handed the Ladder of Knowledge to Mark the Grinner, who responded to Mr B’s talk with a criticism of current day capitalism, neo capitalism and meaningless labels. He entertained the crowd for an hour!

Mark the Grinner shocks and entertains. Often at the same time.

6. Other topics discussed:
– How is money made? (Mary and Jim are the only people living in Australia. Mary has $100 and Jim has no money. Mary puts the money in a bank (run by a robot, Philip) and Jim borrows $50 from that bank. With the fifty dollars he buys something from Mary. Mary now has $150. Yet, they only started with $100. $50 has been created. How? Jim’s labour (or time?) will in time repay the bank.
Albert pointed out that the bank would happily lend Jim ten times Mary’s $100.

– Mr B explained the merits of capitalism, and why he thinks all three systems, communism, socialism and capitalism would work well if they were applied correctly. That’s a big ‘if’, Mr B! Mark the Grinner disagreed with him, saying capitalism would have to include socialism if it were to have any chance of working.

7. This week’s unusual creature in the Unusual Critter Series is the ghost pipefish. Note that it’s not a pipefish ghost, it’s a ghost pipefish. Two very different things. This one can’t look at our Facebook page because it has no internet access.

 

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