Soapbox Speakers

News for Speakers’ Corner, Sunday 16th December

In News for Speakers' Corner on December 17, 2018 at 11:13 am

“Lawyers believe a person is innocent until proven broke.”
Robin Hall.

1. For Mr B it was a day of interruptions. This scribe actually felt sorry for the poor fellow.

2. Sometimes Mirko talks about the world-language he has invented that will allow us to talk with one another with ease. And, sometimes he talks about his two-polarity physics that may or may not have something to do with the imminent world diesel crisis. Today he began the meeting by combining the lot, and created a stream of consciousness that would make any transcendental guru proud. Well done, Mirko.

3. Then Mr B tried to begin his talk about the sham of Zen Buddhism, but with all the interruptions it was like he was wading through knee-high mud. Seeing the signs, he wisely chose to let 95 year-old Albert replace him. Albert talked about the evolution of humankind and how we should continue that evolution by being nice to one another and developing our collective-bloody-consciousness. Sorry, our collective consciousness.

The Borg have attained Collective Consciousness

4. Mr B then tried to resume his talk on the sham of Zen Buddhism but the interrupters, grateful for the break he had given them, were even more vociferous. Beaten, Mr B handed the reins to Mark the Grinner.

Mark the Grinner said Australians are xenophobic and unnecessarily scared of foreigners wanting to invade. We’re surrounded by water, so who would want to invade us? China doesn’t want to invade us; it would prefer to have us as a trading partner.  “It’s time we stood on our own two feet,” he said. “We should cut our ties with the U.S. and side with our biggest trading partner, China.”

His reasons for doing so prompted unceasing cries of “Bullshit” from one member the audience.

Mark the Grinner’s comments prompted a vigorous and interesting discussion.

5. Mr B once again tried to begin his talk on the Sham of Zen Buddhism, and then the cyclist guy from Bike Buffs‘ came along with his cycling tourists. A cyclist asked Mr B about Global Warming and Mr B responded by dividing the topic into a number of questions:
1) Why do we now call it ‘climate change’ instead of ‘global warming’?
2) Is the globe warming or cooling?
3) Is the climate change anthropogenic?
4) How do we know?

Mr B gave a brief response and off the cyclists went, a little bemused. But the conversation about climate change continued with Peter the Younger, who had a lot to say. Though he didn’t get to actually say most of it.

6. When that conversation about Climate Change ended Mr B yet again began his talk about the Zen Buddhist sham. This time he got halfway through a story, but with the continuous interruptions he received he had to face facts: the punters weren’t interested in the topic. Eighteen years’ research down the drain.

He changed the topic to “Why we shall never colonise Mars.” That topic received more respect.

7. In the past we have heard Mr B eloquently explain why there is no such thing as a Scotsman, and what he says makes perfect sense. In human history, never has someone been more right. Yet, somehow, a Scotsman arrived to defy Mr B’s irrefutable logic. His name was Marshall and he was with his missus and their two snot-gobblers. Marshall asked if he could speak on the Ladder of Knowledge. Mr B, halfway through his tedious explanation as to why Mars can never be colonised, did the right thing and relinquished the Ladder.

Marshall expressed his concern with how there were so few young people at Speakers’ Corner to listen to the speakers. “When you old speakers go,” he said charmingly, “who will carry the torch? Who will keep Speakers’ Corner going?”

Does Marshall know something we don’t? Is the Domain Trust planning to do some nefarious “permanent work” on us to finally rid themselves of the thorn in their side?

But that got your youthful scribe thinking: if the old geezers do indeed start popping off like flies, as Marshall seems to be suggesting, who would replace them? Would they be replaced?

But the speakers haven’t gone yet, Marshall, despite your prompting! Don’t hold your breath, lad.

We grasshoppers do hope that a few younger people will have the courage to get up and speak, and become regular soapbox orators. The trouble is, young people don’t know anything. They have no life experience. They have nothing matured in oak. They’re as thick as custard, and as sharp as a bowl of milk. If a young person got up, what could they possibly say?

“And I’m concerned,” added Marshall, “with how many of the young people are glued to their eye-phones.”

8. When Mr B resumed his rightful place on the Ladder of Knowledge he gave us all a brief lecture on the use of swear words. Then he finished his talk on the non-colonisation of Mars. By this time he was fed up with the whole thing, and handed the ladder of Knowledge to Helmut. It was 5.25pm. Helmut answered questions about God, even though he believes God is just energy without consciousness.

How God would look in a mirror.

9. There will be a meeting next week, eve of Christmas Eve. There will be road access after all, as usual, and you won’t be asked to carry chairs. There will also be cheesecake.

10. In our Unusual Animal Series we have the Ankole-Watusi. It doesn’t give a damn about our Facebook page.

 

 

 

 

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