Soapbox Speakers

Archive for July, 2018|Monthly archive page

News for Speakers’ Corner, Sunday 15th July.

In News for Speakers' Corner on July 16, 2018 at 9:18 am

“Tolerance is the only real test of civilizations.” 
Arthur Helps.

1. It’s not every day you turn 70, but today that happened to Uncle Pete. However, dear reader, he is not slowing down. He was vociferous as ever, and he didn’t hold back when a young woman bravely stood on The Ladder of Knowledge and spoke her mind. He “et her know clearly that he didn’t agree with what she was saying.

As it happened, that young woman did a great job, and her name is Maggie. Maggie spoke about attitudes and belief systems. She is writing her PhD on the subject and she wasn’t just interesting, she was inspiring. Yes, admittedly, Uncle Pete did disagree with something she said, but then, Uncle Pete sometimes disagrees with Mirko, so we can’t take him too seriously.

Here is Maggie up on the Ladder of Knowledge.

2. Mr B admitted that when he hears of women being raped, and reads about the high rate of domestic violence, he feels a little guilty about being male, even though logic tells him he shouldn’t feel that way.

If he sometimes feels that way, how many other men feel that way?

And why in almost every television situation comedy is the man of the house a boofhead? What message is that sending, and to whom?

Women are quite rightly speaking up about being harassed, but are men beginning to feel defensive? If so, can that partly explain the problems we are having when both men and women feel they aren’t being heard?

3. Other subjects discussed:
– Henry Dudeney’s Wheel Paradox.

– Last week, Mr B presented to his grasshoppers the infinite monkey theorem, and this week Uncle Pete responded. Laurence, our very own hermit crab, gave him a hard time.

– On the Ladder of Knowledge Mirko did a fine job of consistently contradicting himself. He does it purposely, of course, because he likes to play with our heads.

– Should women take responsibility for how vulnerable they make themselves to rape? Or should they insist on being able to do what they want, and demand that men act with honour?

– ‘The Last Leaf’ by O Henry. With a word of advice at the end.

– The Americans have been complaining that the Russians have been interfering with their elections for president. Mr B idly wondered if the Americans have ever interfered with the elections and governments of other nations. The response he received was unequivocal.

– Collective Consciousness. Usually it’s Albert that brings this topic up, but this time Mr B touched on it. With the help of his grasshoppers he listed the professions that were necessary in order to bring the 13 Thai boys from the caves. The point being: it was a joint effort of many professions, and as a species we really can work together when we choose to.

– Yesterday it was Wuthering Heights Day. In Sydney Park more than 300 participants dressed up as Kate Bush and sang the song. Mr B enjoyed the spectacle so much he felt the need to tell us all about it.

4. In our Unusual Animal Series we have a Mishmi Takin (a goat-antelope found in the Himalayas). This particular Mishmi Takin doesn’t know we have a Facebook page.





News for Speakers’ Corner, Sunday 8th July.

In News for Speakers' Corner on July 9, 2018 at 9:57 am

“When the eagles are silent the parrots begin to jabber.” 
Winston Churchill.

1. Last week this scribe suggested we ban dissent at Speakers’ Corner after poor Mr B had to endure tons of it. Mr B must have thought it was a good idea, because today he instituted the ban. He was tired of people disagreeing with him, so he banned dissent.

One grasshopper took the advice on board and agreed with that idea, fine fellow. (Though was that a smirk?) As for the rest of Mr B’s grasshoppers and garden gnomes, no one took any notice of the ban. For the rest of the day there was perpetual dissent. Sigh.

Your thoughtful scribe suggests that you share this meme on social media to ensure everyone is informed of the ban.

2. The Infinite Monkey Theorem. Do you remember the old chestnut about the monkey randomly tapping on a typewriter? That if you gave it an infinite amount of time it would eventually type a work of Shakespeare’s? Mr B suggested that would happen, given that a finite task must be completed when there is infinite time in which to perform it. “But if that is the reason”, he continued, “that would suggest two plays were possible, because that’s also a finite task. And so on. A whole library, even! Provided the number of books was finite, then the task would eventually be completed because there is infinite time in which to do it. Finite task with infinite time. True or false?”

As you would expect, Mr B’s brain-dead garden gnomes had trouble grappling with the idea. “The universe couldn’t exist for that long,” said one. “Waddaya mean by ‘time’?” asked another. Holy moly.

One thing is obvious: the monkey would have a better chance of writing a decent play than any of the hecklers.

Uncle Pete promises that next week he will explain why the monkey cannot complete the finite task in infinite time. Oh dear.

3. Do Androids dream of electric sheep? Today Mr B answered that question, first posed by writer Philip K Dick. However, Mr B “forgot” to acknowledge that he “borrowed” the answer from a radio play called ‘Ruby The Galactic Gumshoe‘.

4. Other topics discussed:
– Should we be judged on what we have done in our life, or on the person we have become?

– Idiot judges, who give an offender more time in jail because they ‘want to send a message’. And other idiot judges who say stupid things like, ‘The community should be ashamed.’

– Mr B made two requests:
(i) would the three idiot musketeers (the two Peters and Helmut) please develop some insight, so that they become aware of the forces behind their stupid bloody infuriating antics.
(ii) Would Helmut please speak elsewhere and take the two remaining idiot musketeers with him? And take with him Ben the Whisperer and any other dissastisfied garden gnome who feels compelled to interrupt poor Mr B?
(I don’t fancy his chances that they’ll comply with his request.)

– Mirko excelled himself today by being even more “unorthodox” than usual. If you have heard MIrko speak then you will realise that’s quite a feat.

– Ray, Steve and Helmut spoke as well, but this scribe doesn’t know what they said because he was too absorbed in what Mr B was saying.

– The story of the lemon tree.

5. These giant isopods feature in our unusual creature series. The one on the left recently unsubscribed from our Facebook page for reasons unclear. If you’re not a subscriber you can take its place.



News for Speakers’ Corner, Sunday 1st July

In News for Speakers' Corner on July 2, 2018 at 12:15 pm

“We are only vulnerable and ridiculous through our pretensions.”
Delphine de Girardin.

1. It was a beautiful winter’s day and Steve Maxwell looked resplendent. This thoughtless scribe didn’t think to take a photo, so you’ll just have to imagine Steve looking resplendent. When you’ve done that go on to the next line.

Steve spoke about the upcoming 4th July, Independence Day. He explained how the American revolution influenced Australia’s early history.

2. Today poor Mr B suffered from the antics of his garden gnomes. They were impatient and chattery, and rude even, and they kept inaccurately predicting what Mr B would say next. Worst of all, they were dissenting.

As a result, Mr B was grumpy and frustrated. Not a pretty sight.

Speaking of garden gnomes, here is a work of art by the artist Bill Barton.

3. Other subjects discussed:
– Uncle Pete spoke about education and was scathing of certain teaching methods. (He doesn’t have the highest respect for the subject, ‘Social Sciences’, either.) And, he was critical of David Gonski (a man hired to design education reforms and their funding).

– Mr B spoke about Australia’s low standard of living. He wasn’t referring to the normal meaning of the term; he was suggesting that many Australians have low standards in how they live their life. Eg. There is too much theft, he said, too much complacency, and too much selfishness, and too much complaining about trivial matters. We have to lift our standards, he said.

– If you were held down and injected with a drug that prompted you to kill someone, and then became well again the following day, should you go to jail for the crime? That question was easy enough for the grasshoppers to answer, but the questions then became harder. The line between who should go to jail and who shouldn’t became blurred.
Mr B gave us one of his wackiest ideas: a prison sentence could be cut short if a prisoner exhbited insight. He said each prisoner should write an essay explaining why what they did was wrong. If the letter wasn’t insightful enough they wouldn’t get early release.   Mr B received plenty of flak for that brain explosion!

– In courts, judges award longer sentences to people who show no remorse. Is that fair?

– Is banning plastic carry bags a good idea?

– Last week Peter the Younger spoke about global warming and this week Mr B responded. To do so he first explained how ice ages come about. (Hint: it has something to do with the changing tilt of the Earth as it revolves around the sun in an elliptical orbit.)

– Mirko again got up onto the Ladder of Knowledge and spoke about his ‘two polarity gravity field’, for goodness sake.

– Helmut enthralled passers-by with his talk of matter and energy.

– Ray remained near the kiosk and spoke about God. Two atheists turned up to give him a hard time.

– An audience member, Tim, has done his PhD on property rights and naturally wanted to talk about it. The poor fellow had to squeeze two hundred terrabytes of knowledge into ten minutes. He did well, and happily answered questions. Unfortunately, he had to deal with dissent as well. Perhaps we should ban dissent at Speakers’ Corner? Now there’s an idea!


4. During our unusual creature series, this amblypygi subscribed to our Facebook page. Why haven’t you?

5. Steve Maxwell  has given us another interesting episode of his Passing Parade.

Steve cleverly kept an article he found in a 1947 edition of ‘The Herald. (Presumably he didn’t keep it at the time of publication because he hadn’t yet been born.) That 1947 article is reproduced below. Steve adds a postscript at the end.

“But Quiet Flows the Yarra”  The Herald, 7th January 1947.
(The title of the article is a reference to “And Quiet Flows the Don”; a popular epic novel of 1940’s by Russian author Nikhail Alexandrovich Sholokhov (1905-1984).)

The little man in the bowler hat and the butterfly collar waved his umbrella and flickered his way through the crowd. He couldn’t stand it any longer. “It’s a dirty lie,” he shouted. Then he jabbed his umbrella at the speaker. But he had lost his coherence in his age so he just stood there, wavering on the verge of a stroke.

The speaker hardly flinched. He has been treated with umbrellas regularly, every Sunday afternoon for close on 50 years. The little man was an Irishman, you could tell from his brogue. He had obviously never been to the Yarra Bank before, otherwise he would have known that “ Chummy” Fleming has been saying those same old things about Archbishop Mannix and the Pope for decades.

Yes “Chummy” is still dishing it out from the same old rock platform, under the same old elm under the same red banner proclaiming ANARCHY to the four winds. The incident I have just described took place last Sunday. (January 1947)

At 84, he can still draw the crowds at Melbourne’s most famous Sunday institution, but can’t hold them like he could in the days,  when he often paid for his anti-church and anti-government prejudices with a week-day term in gaol.

Yet there is still a flicker of the old “Chummy” left. I found on Sunday that it doesn’t pay to move on too quickly when he takes the hat round at the end of his “address”. Regulars of the Speakers’ Forum say “Chummy” is the master renters. They told me on Sunday that two speakers, the Man in Mortar Board (who stuck it on with sticking plaster on windy days), and Luke the evangelist, have passed on.

Nevertheless, big crowds are still flocking to the Bank of Melbourne’s best free show. New apostles and new ‘isms have place, and the old chemist with the stethoscope dangling around his collar, who dispenses free medical advice and answers questions on the prostate gland, is still going strong.

Luke’s mantle has fallen on Dave, an evangelist who has no teeth and no singing voice. A badge in his lapel announces that “JESUS LOVE ME.” and like Luke, he has to put up with the members of the audience who persist in reciting his sermon in unison with him.

Joe Williams was thundering away at the Communists across the way.

Joe a former boxing teacher, who is a master of invective, is the greatest entertainment draw these days. He can hurl abuse for hours on end, keeping up swithering fire at neighbouring speakers all the while.

Joe seems to devote himself entirely to attacks on communism. He opens with a tirade against the crowd around Communist Party rostrum. On the next pitch he launches into a very home-made dissertation on dialectical materialism and he ends with a venomous attack on Stalin.

One raucous-voiced interjector was getting the better of Joe for a time on Sunday, so Joe stopped and let him go. “You know,” said Joe. leaning forward confidentially when he finished, ‘I think you could learn to love me if only you tried.’

Joe had his audience with him again in a flash. He challenged other interrupters to come up and have it out. They never do.  Joe is an ex-boxing instructor and looks it.

Under the elm tree, on the other side of the Communist platform, also hurling abuse at their speakers and Joe, was A.G, Payne. Payne calls himself a university lecturer, mainly because students invited him up to address them at a lunch-time meeting last year. He always carries the copy of the University newspaper Farrago, which reported his address for the benefit of sceptics.

‘Don’t interrupt a scholar and a gentleman -you’re a low-down monstrosity, you’re a miserable skunk,’ is his favourite method of dealing with persistent hecklers.

Behind Payne’s pitch, strung up on the railway fence, is a banner announcing ‘Socialist Labour Party – Revolutionary political action backed by scientific industrial organisation.’ beneath it, addressing the wind, is a short middle-aged women in a wide brimmed hat stuck in place with an enormous hatpin. She speaks with closed eyes but her high pitched voice rings monotonously on. A regular told me that, only three or four ever meet around her. As he was telling, Casey dropped over to interrupt her. Casey, apparently, is the Yarra Bank’s best-known interjector. He spends a brief period at each pitch Sunday after Sunday. Usually he takes up his stand on the rockery alongside the speaker, asking questions on subjects ranging from the existence of the devil to the A plus B theorem of Douglas Credit. Casey keeps it up until one or the other speakers suggests he tell the crowd why he left the Salvation Army. He likes that. That gives him the floor.

But not all the speakers are eccentrics. The Yarra bank started after the maritime strikes of the 1890’s. Militant unionists chose the Melbourne docks opposite the Yarra Bank to establish an outdoor speaker’s forum from which they attack the Government of Victoria. When the strikes ended trade unionists relocated the Speaker’s Forum on the open ground of Yarra Bank. It soon became the traditional rallying grounds for May Day and a regular Sunday forum.

Tom Man, the English strike leader and politician, spoke there as did Ramsay MacDonald, the future British Prime Minister.

The biggest crowd that assembled there, over 100,000 people, was during the ant-conscription rallies of World War One. Labor leader Mr. Secuillin MHR. Frank Brennan, Maurice Blackburn, E J Holloway John Cain and John Curtin Australian Pre-minister, all developed their oratory skills on the Yarra Bank. Best of the Communism speakers was the veteran D.G. O’Day. He attracted a regular crowed of 500.

Dominican Catholic priest Fr. Vincent Ryan held a large meeting on the Catholic Evidence Guild. He was an impressive sight, dressed in medieval robes. He only paused from time to time from his mission to preach faith and morals to drink lemonade.

A small number of vendors did a steady trade in ice-cream and lemonade. Only one vender who did before WW2 is remembered: The Peanut King was a Melbourne eccentric who dispensed his wares resplendent in top hat and frock coat.

Postscript from Steve Maxwell:

Unlike the 24 hours news and views we are so used to in this time of instant information the orators of Melbourne were governed by the setting sun.

Dave was chanting to one of his own hymns as the sun set. Joes’ and Payne’s audiences had split up into small circles arguing on their own. How can you call our Sunday dull when you had the Yarra Bank, less then five minutes from Flinders St Station, any Sabbath afternoon?

Like the wandering Jew, Yarra Bank soapboxers were cast out of the Speaker’s Corner, not by a sudden attack but due to a slow decline in attendance and the onset of modernity. Black and white television was introduced to Melbourne on the 4th of November 1956, only 18 days before the Melbourne Olympic Games. The Australian Prime Minister Robert Menzies gave an opening speech. In 1957 the final quarter of the Australian Rules Football was televised.

By 1960 most people in Melbourne had access to television. It was a game changer. Newspaper, radio and the soapboxers were challenged by the new media much as the internet is a challenge nowadays. The city grew and the population dispersed into suburbia.

The Yarra River’s south bank was the site of regular Sunday-afternoon speakers and meetings. The first May Day celebration Melbourne began on May1st 1892. It was lead by the anarchist Chummy Fleming. May day processions would begin at Trades hall and ended at the Yarra Bank Speakers’ Corner where unionists would set up for public speeches.  He started marching 30 minutes before the official march and waited for the main march to catch up with him. He passed away in the mid 1950’s.

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